You don't want to burden anybody else with your problem... You don't want to cause anyone annoyance or sadness. So you pretend. Sometimes you can pretend so well and so often that even you start to believe it... Until one moment when it all comes crashing down. All the pain or anger rises to the surface and you can't hide it any longer. You've reached breaking point. This is when people finally start to see what's really going on and help you... Or they see it as though you've just had a bad day... Or if you're lucky and you reach that point whilst you're on your own, no one ever knows and you can fix yourself temporarily and carry on the 'I'm okay' facade.
Pretending to be okay is often used in place of actually being okay. It's so much easier to hide behind a smile or a laugh than it is to come out and say 'I'm not okay'. It can hurt when no one around you seems to realise the inner battle you're fighting and the pain you are feeling but isn't that the effect you want- if not then why hide? Why not just say it...? Because you can't... You want the help, you want someone to notice but you can't say that out loud so you spend days, weeks, months pretending that you're okay hoping that just one person will pull you aside and ask for the truth.
And then there are the occasions where you don't smile because you physically can't make yourself and whilst you try your best to pretend- it's broken and you don't know how to get it back but still you seem to be able to fool people.
Pretending to be okay is often used in place of actually being okay. It's so much easier to hide behind a smile or a laugh than it is to come out and say 'I'm not okay'. It can hurt when no one around you seems to realise the inner battle you're fighting and the pain you are feeling but isn't that the effect you want- if not then why hide? Why not just say it...? Because you can't... You want the help, you want someone to notice but you can't say that out loud so you spend days, weeks, months pretending that you're okay hoping that just one person will pull you aside and ask for the truth.
And then there are the occasions where you don't smile because you physically can't make yourself and whilst you try your best to pretend- it's broken and you don't know how to get it back but still you seem to be able to fool people.
What are your thoughts on this? I'm sure it's something a lot of people can relate to in some way or another. Let me know, I'd be interested to hear your opinions.
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Love, Steph x
This is something I really relate to, especially today. For some reason, I don't feel like my sadness, anger and frustration is valid enough for me to be upset, as I know I do have a very good life. I'm always seen as the happy-go-lucky friend, and I don't want to shatter this image for my friends. They would be there for me, but I know there are people who need help more than I do, and so I can't justify being sad.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're doing okay <3
Theamandaway.blogspot.com
I know exactly what you mean, it's not like anybody says 'why are you happy, there are people who have it better than you' but sometimes it feels like the opposite fits (can't be unhappy because people have it worse) either to yourself or based on what people say or do when you feel low which makes it more difficult to deal with healthily. I'm doing alright thank you, it's just something I think about a lot and wanted to put into writing to help express my thoughts on the matter and hopefully show anyone else who maybe feels the same or similar that they're not alone in it. I hope you're okay as well! We are so much quicker to understand someone else's pain whether it's big or small but when it comes to ourselves, it's so much harder to validate it but it shouldn't be. No one should be made to feel like their feelings are invalid. It's a tricky one really and I don't have a solution for it, just a million thoughts about it whizzing around my head. This reply probably made very little sense but oh well! x
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